A little bit of everything

Sebenarnya, saya tidak sukakan orang yang tak boleh nak buat decision, or yang tak kesah dengan apa2 decision yang di decidekan. Lagi2 bila saya termasuk dalam kelompok atau situasi yang perlu membuat decision. Dan bila decision sudah diberi pilihan untuk dipilih dan orang2 terlibat masih x boleh nak buat decision, yes that pisses me off. Come on you people dah besar, dah matang dah boleh fikir which one yang bagus dan mana yang tidak. Kalau tak suka dengan something bgtahu direct, tak perlu untuk nak melarikan diri. Sebenarnya sangat annoying dengan orang2 sedemikian.

It has been a while since the last time I posted my true deep anger feeling on my blog. I didnt mean for anybody, just for everyone, including me. Try to make decision on yr own and not letting other people to decide for you. Melainkan if you badly need their advice. And its just a piece of advice but you still have to decide yr own things.Sampai bila nak orang decidekan utk anda? Nanti dah kahwin dah ada anak, takkan nak biarkan anak yang decide things for you? Some people might say oh nnt dah ada anak pandai la nak jaga, but if you do not practice it from now on, bila nak buat benda jadi lagi baik?

What ever shit I blab just pretend it never happened if you dislike what you read. Thank you.

Surgery ada lagi like 4 weeks. So gotta start studying from now. Seriously.

Oh. Im gonna start on diet any time now. sebab relatives and parents smua dah ckp that Im fat, pipi dah naik etc. So yeah, gotta start diet for real. And orang sekeliling senyap jgn sibuk. Bye.

I CANT WAIT TO GRADUATE.

Not because I'm tired learning, not because I can't stand with my work load, not because I want to work and earn monthly income. I just wanna get away from this people. I didn't mean to hurt anyone especially my classmates who read my blog. Its just, I feel like once graduated, I'll be gone. A whole new life.

Well, I remembered a friend who hates SSP so much that he doesnt wanna go back to SSP once she finished secondary school. I know exactly how it feels. But she hates the school, not the friends. Im the opposite (but I am not saying I hate everyone, do not get me wrong).

It was a regret, ever. I wish I could turn back time and change things, or not doing such thing, but its too late. Too late. Damn too late. I shouldn't have even encounter myself to it. Never. I know its a mistake, take it as a lesson, but it is a thing that I wish it never happened, never been there. I wish things were different. Too blind to judge things. Regretting things doesn't change a single thing, but I hate to remember those things. I hate to be remembered. I don't wanna remember, I dont wanna be remembered.

Should let it go, yes I can, but others just can't. Demmit.

#1010 days

SURGERY BOSAN.

Dah dua minggu dekat surgery, tapi tak boleh pergi clerk patient lagi, sebab gambar kena reject lah, apa lah. Though ada few friends yg dah pergi clerk patients. But I have none! None! And Im missing medicine so bad! Rindu medicine sebab lecturer ramai, as in ada more than one! Sebab surgery ada sorg sahaja. And dia hanya ada untuk seminar (untuk setakat ini lah). Though we have invited lecturers from UM, but class pun seminggu dua kali. No, sekali, then case presentation sekali dalam seminggu. Bed side teaching tak pernah start lagi, so tak tau lah  kan. Stress sebenarnya sebab terasa diri macam semakin malas sebab tak tahu nk study untuk apa for surgery. Yes, mmg banyak gila sebenarnya nak study, tapi don't know where to start. At least if pernah clerk sorg patient, or pernah BST sekali, boleh lah nk imagine what to study etc. And oh, rindu ward medicine. Sebab ward medicine ramai patient, srugery sikit. Im not asking ppl to have more surgery, tapi macam x hectic sangat the ward. And kesian tgk patients semua dalam kesakitan to undergo operation/post-operation(dah operate).So macam tak sampai hati sebenarnya nak buat physical examination etc.

Okay ngntuk. Good night!

I DISLIKE SEMINAR.

I have seminar either today or tmr. Title, pancreatitis. Im gonnaa do the anatomy and physiology part. Me no likey. I can't remember what I've learnt two years back. So in need of searching all the infos. Oh well. Thats life. And Im gonna have another 3/4 seminar this year. Ugh.

Anyways, how life?

I'm just tired. Tired of you and you. Yes both of you. I wish things are going to be better, but it seems like nothing is gonna change for now. So yeah, lets just pray and hope that everything will be alright when the time comes. In Sha Allah :)

For what ever that Allah say, what ever will be, will be and whatever that not gonna happen will never happen. So lets just pray and hope things will go how its supposed to go.
May there'll be no regret etc, In Sha Allah.

Okay jom buat seminar. Bye.

It was a mistake.

Sometimes, things happened for a reason. For us to learn what we shouldn't do. Learn to be better, to be wiser. A mistake that will always teach us to aware of things and surroundings, of what might happen. For us to think what are the consequences of every single thing. 

We do promise sweet things when we are happy, but we tell things our ears don't listen when we are angry. And those things that we say, is not gonna vanish by itself. Its gonna be buried in someone's brain. 

And mistakes taught us to be afraid of doing the same thing, cause we are afraid of  the result will be the same. Which we should not feel it that way, cause mistakes should be learnt, not to be afraid of. Things that happened will let us to decide better things. What ever we do in life will always be a failure, but with that failure we could be better than what we are. 

Things are no longer easy, all things are hard. Nothing comes easy in life. 

I just miss my old self, the one who can stand on my own feet. Who can do things on my own. But, people change as time goes. So do I. I've changed. To be the person that I that I don't wanna be.

MISTAKE, TAKE IT AS A LESSON.

EOP EXAM IN LESS THAN 48 HOURS! 

Its freaking me out. This is my very first clinical exam.
So this time, we are having more like an oral exam but with no advanced preparations. Just knowledge and technique.

So we have to take history of the patients, and do the physical examinations. I dont know which one is the worst. Probably the worst part is when the question is being asked. Please please please, I don't want my blur-face to be showed to the examiner when the question-answer-session. Its gonna give bad, bad, bad impression to the examiner.

May Allah ease all my friends and my way, In Sha Allah :')

Happiness never last forever. Sometimes we expect it to last, but sometimes it just wont last. 

And  you, you are my person, and I need you to be my person. And I know you will always be my person, always. And thanks for always be my person especially when I needed you so bad. Thank you.

Anyways, I know I've updating less and lesser post from one day to another. I know. I am too lazy, or I have nothing to share, or I am just tired blabbing on blog. So, I would like to take this chance to say I am sorry to anyone, everyone if I have ever made any mistakes, especially to you. Yes you. I am truly sorry. May Allah bless you, ALWAYS. Sorry for every single thing that I have done intentionally or unintentionally. People make mistake, I make it too, and my mistakes arent just mistakes, they are also mistakes that is unforgivable. But I know you are a kind person, a nice person, forgive me, will you? Thank you. I hope that Allah will ease all yr work too. Insya Allah. May all of us get what is best for us, Amin :)